Over the past two years, my job had become mundane, and even through the pandemic, it seemed to present the same challenges over and over. I knew, when I accepted the director job 12 years ago, that I would not retire there. I knew that I would give all I had, and at some point, the job would no longer be best for me. I started to become pessimistic with my staff, and even the families, the positive joy I used to get from my job, was slipping away. My time in childcare was coming to an end and I needed to look at options. In conjunction, my boss, the executive director of the company, retired in 2020. Our company was all about community and people with him in charge, and the new guy they brought in was more about money and secrecy. To be honest, if the administration did not change, I was already setting up a way to balance my work and life better so I could stay in my position longer.
Looking at my options back in 2019, I felt I could make a lateral move, with salary, into supervising in different fields or getting a job with in the state government. My job gave me experience in so many areas and I am fortunate to have that. I was able to attain a Bachelor in Science in Early Childhood Education, so I could go and become a teacher or work in the schools as well. Not everyone has the ability to build in support at their current job, or leave their current job, but I was fortunate to have the ability to do both. I already feel blessed with these options.
Then my mom passes away. Grief has never been more real. I have never felt such a hole, such a sadness. It is unexplainable. It is hard to feel yourself or be your best. At any moment, you are reminded of the loss and lose your self in grief, but for a moment or hours. There is no control, no way to hide it. You loose sleep, you doubt yourself, you feel hopeless. How do I try to balance this with starting a new career? I can’t leave my stable job, when the rest of me feels so unstable.
With the new director I was even more miserable, and in a toxic environment. Work was hard, my grief showed up wherever and whenever it wanted to, and I was exhausted. Having an only child during quarantine was hard too, we were his only playmates. Stress was at an all time high then my husband, in his loving ways, decided to make some moves and found a way for me to leave my job, without rushing into another job. He worked the budget and found a way. I didn’t even ask, he just did it.
I prayed and talked about it for months. It was so scary, but I finally took the leap and gave my notice. I gave a month, they asked for me to stay for two to help the transition so I did. It was a strange two months, and when I walked out on my last day, I was still scared and praying I made the right choice. The one thing I promised myself was that I was going to make this time count. I was not going to waste it laying around. I was going to make my mama proud with how I reboot myself.
As I continue to write on this blog, I will continue to grow and learn about just who I want to be. I plan on trying new things, taking on small jobs and volunteer opportunities throughout 2021. I know I have an opportunity that doesn’t come around often, and I hope I can help others by providing ideas and tools to help reboot themselves. Now let us start the journey!
DizzyLiz Reboot 